Ditch Dating Rules and Make Intuition Your Guide Instead

Wednesday, September 07, 2016 , , 13 Comments


As Dayo sashayed into the bar, James muttered to himself how lucky he was. Without mincing words, she is a beauty to behold from head to toe and walks with a mesmerising grace. It was their first date, although they've spoken over the phone several times. He prayed fervently that she wouldn't break more than one of his dating rules. They are so dear and he adheres strictly to them than the 10 commandments.

Within three hours, she broke two rules and Mr. Man instantly resolved to continue with his ultimate search. Meanwhile, she doesn't believe in any of the traditional rules. After the first date, he severed contact with her. Series of messages went unanswered until she got tired and stopped. It didn’t take too long for her to get over it. “His loss,” she mused.

Back to his rules, she unknowingly broke the first by offering to pay for the meal. Secondly, she called an hour after they parted, gushing about how she had a nice time. One of his expired rules states that if a lady offers to pay for dinner, she will never be submissive. Another states that a lady who initiate contact before the second date is clingy and desperate, be wise and run for your dear life bro."

It's common to see headlines like “21 Dos and Don’ts of Relationship” or “50 Rules to Keep Him Happy, Satisfied and Interested” concocted by mortals like us and some will follow them to the last letter. These rules have been evolving, making most of them obsolete.


If factors such as age and country were put into consideration, some of these rules are not applicable. Human beings are ever dynamic, what works for the writer may not work for someone else. Few of these rules still contain grains of wisdom, this is when our intuition should be activated.

Over time, I have discovered that the instinct or gut feeling is 95% accurate, not only in issues of relationships but in other areas of life. We all know that sooner or later, the truth will be revealed. Our intuition detects people's true intentions and highlights red flags as soon as it spots them.

Anyone can use its powers, but it may not be that potent because we dismiss its suggestions constantly. Journaling can be a great place to start. Keeping notes of our body language, the vibes we feel either positive or negative, random thoughts that pop up and, whether we feel safe or not could assist with having a clearer perspective. When we go back to our journals, some words might jump up at us screaming "I told you so!"

Engaging in excessive romantic fantasy interferes with our instincts, so it's better to keep it in check. Apart from guiding in wise decision making, trusting our gut feeling helps to make deeper connections in relationships which in turn lead to better understanding. This can only be effective when the sixth sense works together with the remaining five.

Do you feel that following one's intuition is safer or will ignoring the majority of these rules be risky? Perhaps you have an entirely different opinion. Don't hesitate to air your views in the comments section.

Bola Adekile

Craves basking in the present moment, keen fan of nature. Unapologetic learner. Reader.


  1. It is always safer to follow one's instinct in any relationship/situation. Nice piece. Kudos!

    1. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your opinion, Funmy.

  2. Yes, most definitely.
    And there truly is a voice that doesn't use words.
    Funny part is that this voice actually speaks much more profoundly but most of us haven't trained our senses to perceive and understand it's language yet.

    Great piece, Bola! Plus I really loved the story ��

    1. Glad you enjoyed the story, Ima. Just like you said, training our senses is a gradual process and it's worth the effort.

  3. That little voice in one's head is real, i've heard it several times and it sounds louder than someone talking to me physically!
    But i guess it can't be right all the time. Isn't it?

    1. You are absolutely right, it can't be correct all the time, but it is reliable most of the time. Thanks for dropping by, Tunde.

  4. uuhhmmmm, i gues i wasn't the first to comment on this great post and that was so bad of me.....well it's clear to fathom. am really impressed. keep it up..

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  5. You are so right! I don't know a lot about relationships but one thing I know is that there are no 'rules', most of them are so ridiculous. Your intuition might not be right all the time but it's right most of the time. Great post and thank you for your comment! xx


  6. Hey Bola
    I think you're awesome so I nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award!
    Details are on my blog, have an awesome day! ☺

  7. All fingers are not equal. A writer is just blessed in brain and pen by creator to act as a guardian in a specific way,he/she is neither a god nor a spirit. It is now left for people to sit,read and decide on what will be good for them,you can't choose all that you read,because you weren't the main person in that picture. Lots of books have been written and lot will still be written,be yourself and don't override your instinct. She could have been the best wife or partner for him,but he lost her by making those rules to rule him. Thanks writer for shedding more light in a best way of understanding, we need to think twice before we carry out our actions. God bless you,ma.

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