Tame Romantic Fantasy to Enjoy True Love This Valentine and Beyond

Sunday, February 14, 2016 , , 2 Comments

Romantic fantasy

Tolu kept staring at their pictures on her smartphone, the ones she took with Seun the last time they met. He has all the qualities that she wants in a man and he is so romantic. "We are a perfect couple", she chuckled to herself. Thinking about him endlessly is now the order of the day. It's hard for her to concentrate on other things. 

As she sat on the couch, she was busy dreaming of how he will propose to her with a huge diamond-encrusted ring on Valentine's day, marry her in March, whisk her off to Panama City for their honeymoon and then live happily ever after.

Unknown to her, he just needs companionship at the moment, he is not ready to get married. His plan for Valentine is to watch football in his cozy living room and if she pays him a visit, it's certain that he will eat a decent dinner. He will then profess his "undying" love for her without a ring, not even a plastic one. 

Meanwhile, Tolu is still dreaming. When will she wake up?  

Romantic fantasies are not bad,  but it becomes unhealthy when it is done round the clock. It is common among those that are unmarried than the married folks but it's not gender-specific. Engaging in romantic fantasies stems from our desire to make things happen exactly as we planned, on our own terms and conditions. It can also be an escape route from reality. 

Let's take a look at what romantic fantasies really do. 

Researchers discovered that it releases dopamine to the brain, this explains why it feels so good and can become addictive.  

Indulging too much in it makes one lose presence of mind. Decisions are often taken in confusion. Major flaws will be overlooked which may pose serious challenges in the relationship later on.
It's a total waste of headspace and time. The brain can be used for more creative purposes. Once it starts, it spreads like cancer and takes up most of the headspace.

It rarely comes true because it's not the real thing. So what happens when things turn out differently? We are disappointed and heartbroken. 

A farmer working on six plots of land won't give all his attention to a plot. This is applicable to us too, our relationship is just part of our lives, not the whole thing. 

Wishful thinking won't yield results, it's important to take necessary action while hoping for the best. Slowly come back to reality when you realize that you are slipping away. Let's embrace uncertainty.

True love starts from you, so splash on some love. 

Happy Valentine's day.  

Bola Adekile

Craves basking in the present moment, keen fan of nature. Unapologetic learner. Reader.